updates

It's been so long that I had to re-log in. Where has all the time gone?

I love fall. The leaves turning, piling in the gutters, getting soaked with rain and rotting into a soggy mess. Reminds me of eating my Shreddies too slowly as a kid and the mush that would reward me at the bottom of the bowl. I still hate cereal to this day. But I don't hate Fall. Fall feels more like beginning to me than Spring does. Spring promises the warmth and good times of summer, but Fall offers other possibilities. Like staying home on a rainy night, getting cozy in front of the computer, longer nights, shorter days. This last is good for the likes of me who don't feel the rhythm of creation until the sun has long set.

I went to my friend's first birtday party today. She speaks through baby sign language, facial expressions and the odd squawk. There were many other children there, all under the age of five, as well as some women well on the path of gestation -- bellies brimming with promise. Made me feel a little hopeless about finding room in my life for a little one. The importance of children has faded over time. Three years ago it was overwhelming, now, the yearning is for security. That or change. Massive change. City moving change. I imagine the earthquake hitting Vancouver and feel the familiar flutter of anxiety. Will people turn to animals as they have been portrayed in other disasters? And the biggest question of all: will I survive? This is of monumental importance because while I feel content with the life I am living I feel there is still so much more to come. So much more to do. Yet I feel so little energy to do it.

I suppose that's why taking care of the loose ends from day to day is so important. Eating. SLEEPING. Preparing for the next day's adventures.

So this is a value for this week. Just one week. Can I sleep? Be in bed by, what, eleven? What would that do? Let's see.