recriminations

is this totally irresponsible? this posting for anyone to see? to read? to guess at my intent? the frustrating bit for me is the space for misinterpretation. i guess that's it: misinterpretation. words are meaningful, yes. but they can also provide a screen against which anything can be projected.

having said that i want to make the following declaration:

I BLAME NO ONE FOR THE STATE OF MY LIFE AT THIS JUNCTURE EXCEPT MYSELF. ME. I AM RESPONSIBLE. I WILL STAND AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL. AND IN REGARDS TO LOVE AND ROMANCE: IT IS STILL ME. BECAUSE WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER PERSON BUT OUR OWN INTERPRETATION OF WHO THAT PERSON IS AND HOW THEY CONNECT WITH OUT LIVES? THERE IS NOTHING TANGIBLE THERE. ONLY TIME AND SPACE AND BODIES TOUCHING. FOR ME THERE HAVE BEEN MOMENTS WHEN I HAVE LOOKED INTO ANOTHER PERSON'S EYES AND THOUGHT: YES, THERE IS SOMETHING THERE, I AM NOT SO ALONE. BUT THEN THE MOMENT PASSES. INEVITABLY.

PAIN IS AN INEVITABLE SIDE EFFECT. I WILL EXPRESS THAT PAIN. (BETTER THAN LETTING IT ROT ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT.)

I fell in love. it didn't work out. we will never speak of this again.