today

today is almost perfect. family and friends together. a walk around montague harbour. watching an otter eat a red red salmon and following him as he made his way along the island - him in the water, us on the shore. we poked beached jellyfish, washed ashore pink and hard, drying in the sun. a whole lagoon of tiny crabs scuttling sideways, always an equal distance from each other. scared of us, but us equally scared of them. (don't pinch me, please.) back to the house for naps. me, cradled in an old chair, waking to the sound of the pool balls broken with a crick in my neck and feeling so happy wrapped in someone's handiwork.

it is overcast and cloudy. some rain. a relief to what seems like a dried out place. the grass is beige and straw-like.

tonight we go to the film school. wondering what might happen. the discussions so far about topics have revealed what could be a wedge driven between the unified front of the wong sisters we. but most convincing is the argument about activeness - no talking heads, no game show, no watching people sleep - instead a mapping (?) perhaps of memory or a exploration (?) of the island all led by the nose. it could be very beautiful. i am eager oh so eager.

my mind wanders back to those men too. interesting to me is who rises to the surface. who i imagine turning to with "look at that" or "what about this" or "i wonder if." knowing that these memories are vessels (karin says hi) for what i look for - dream about: (now karin stands with her sweet face poised over my shoulder, sniffing my ear, pink toqued and salad hungry smelling of freshly smoked cigarettes.) : companionship [i have that with my sweet friends] love [have that too, already] passion [that would be nice] but i think it would be so nice to have one who desires nothing more than to take care of me. is that selfish? yes, if i allow that would be the only dynamic, but it would never be that way with me. we all know that....

loyal blog reader kevin is filetting fish in the kitchen. maiko has brought the ukelele chord chart for flaming lips songs and karin is so karin that she loves me enough to recognize a beautiful sunrise, choose not to wake me to see it, but will describe it to me later.

this place here feels so safe and warm. too warm right now. the water tastes of sulfer and brushing my teeth reminded me of the hotsprings. there's a fish here that we overfed, but there is nothing like watching an animal eat. it is satisfying when you are the one handing him the food. oh, how we do like to control things...