so so

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

soaked through to the bone. taking care of myself. needed some friend time and took it.

realizing the effects of the smoking. after a week of not doing it i'm feeling like a very different person. still dealing with cravings, of course, but drank red wine with heather tonight -- her smoking and me not -- did ok. thank god for the popeye "candy sticks."

weird day of connections and interconnections. unsettling. yearning for anonymity. wishing for the perfect remedy. resigned to having to work to make things happen. fine.

i'm starting to think that i've compromised a bit too much... you know, in the long term....

thinking about those gals in my head, her of the glass feet and her of the glass heart. such chickens are we. and they, roosting in my brain, unwilling to spread themselves on the paper. me unwilling to force anything... as unrelentingly polite to the people in my head as i am to the people in my life... if someone wants to tell me something, they will... i refuse to ask. to pry. is that respect? or is it me who is the chicken?