quitting

Today i want to quit all of my jobs. and i've just gotten up. all of them. i even want to quit some of the things i do in my life that are not jobs - like having friends. i feel like i'm taking care of people all the time. ALL the time. And then things fall - inevitably - between the cracks. Here I stand, above the cracks, looking down and wondering, "if I untwisted a coat hanger would I be able to pick that back up again...?" But some things, when they fall, just fall. And I'm tryiing to know which relationships to invest in. I'm trying to know how to best maintain clarity and understanding. I'm trying to push myself out of my shell. How can it be that I am THIRTY years old and still haven't figured out how to communicate, in the moment, about what I'm feeling? How?!

And i can't even begin to *think* about the stuff that's fallen through the cracks because i'm just looking on the debris of the stuff i've just dropped on the floor which i desperately want to clean up before more of it falls between the cracks. Irrecoverable.

When do i give up and just admit that i live in a messy house?